STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
