is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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