Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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