Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
