I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
