i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
