So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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