i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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