but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
