After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
