No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
