glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
