I cut my penus on the lid.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
