I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
