I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
