maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
