he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
