Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
