I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
