worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She told me I should be a condom model.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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