Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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