i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
