i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
