he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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