so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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