I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
