Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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