he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
