You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
