Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
where are my eyebrows?
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