a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
