using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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