Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
