Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
