In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
