just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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