it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
