OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
