It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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