Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
