Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We need to get me chipped asap
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
