is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
