She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
