No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
