it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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