Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
