I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
