he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
