So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize