I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize