If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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