Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
