Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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