apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize