I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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