I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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