that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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