We're facebook friends in real life
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
