is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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