id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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