uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
