I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
