I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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