dude i'm inner monologue high
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
