It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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