I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
