I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
