thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
