just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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