I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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