did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
