Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
