For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
