come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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