Im at strip club and am horny
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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