He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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