I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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