yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
