WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All the doctor said was why
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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