every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just puked most of my soul out..
We smell like vodka and hangover
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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