like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
vagina is talking i cant
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
