some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
