I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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