Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
