it wasn't lemon gatorade
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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