I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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