All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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