I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
