I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
