The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
