Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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