So drunk its hurt
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
