Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
