I look better un-naked...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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