Define "chronic" masturbator.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
