The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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