"it" just moved
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
