throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
