i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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