I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
this hospital has no fireball
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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