How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
