I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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