I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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