erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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