I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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