so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
