God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
